A few weeks ago, in my village (a small municipality in the interior of Castellón), the main festivities were celebrated, as in so many places in Spain. These are moments when friendships gather in the streets, in the peñas, at the orchestra or the performance of the local band… Every summer, those who live there all year long come together with those longed-for friends who left decades ago to live in the city — Castellón, Valencia, Barcelona… — looking for a better way to make a living.
Being witnesses of how those groups of friends who grew up together age and occasionally reunite in the squares of the place that saw them grow up is moving. Seeing those people laugh together, talk, dance, remember, embrace… heals the soul and brings hope in these dark times of sadness and confrontation. That optimism is generated in large part by what bonds create: friendship, a treasure at any stage of life that becomes more valuable as we get older and need company, when loneliness lurks, when through the years we lose more loved ones, and those who remain become a pillar of emotional, mental, and physical health.
Different ages, different experiences of friendship
Friendship is lived differently at the different stages of life. While in adolescence and youth new bonds are constantly being explored and this part of existence is essential and absolutely a priority, when work and family obligations appear — with the start of raising children, for example — the reduction of leisure time often leads to a loss of time and intensity with friendships. It is crucial never to lose friends, because precisely when maturity and old age arrive, social relationships become essential, and that is when, if they haven’t been maintained and cared for, they will be most missed.
And creating new connections? It is an excellent option at this stage of life, and if those new bonds are intergenerational, even better. But it is true that it’s difficult. Neurobiology has recently tried to explain why there is a tendency to reduce the number and intensity of social interactions in old age, and it is that our brain experiences changes in the way neurological networks communicate, and those alterations influence social abilities. This is stated by a study led by Nanyang Technological University (Singapore). The researchers’ results, published in the journal Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, indicate that the loss of sociability may be due to lower connectivity in key brain regions for maintaining relationships.
New opportunities
Despite those biological obstacles, it is of course possible to initiate deep and enriching relationships beyond 60. It is demonstrated every day in the activities organized in senior social centers, in gyms, in dance clubs, or in new senior friendship platforms such as Vermut, an app to find new senior friends where they themselves publicly propose plans (theater, cinema, walks, dinners, sports…). Ana Miquel, at 66 years old a user of this tool, explained to us in La Vanguardia that “connections are created with people of similar ages and tastes.” She also confessed: “It rejuvenates my soul, and I can let out the little girl I have inside.”
This is only one example, but given the new demographic scenario and new longevity, countless proposals appear that can bring value to seniors’ lives, based on mature learning and new social connections. We are talking about universities for older adults, volunteering, workshops, trips designed for them with a new approach beyond the “trips for retirees” … Also, new technologies, which more and more mature people are adopting, help generate conversation and bonds: video calls with people who live far away, social networks where they can reconnect, WhatsApp to be able to talk quickly…
Better friendships, better health
We must — one must, in this 60+ stage — take advantage of all these opportunities that today’s society offers us. Because it is true that retirement, widowhood, health problems that appear, and the loss of friends who are aging can pose major emotional challenges. Facing them is not easy, but there are many supports where one can find help, comfort, encouragement. Friendship is one of the most important, if not the most important.
As we mentioned in Miradas de la longevidad, deep and quality social bonds improve our health and our life expectancy, according to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, led by Robert Waldinger, the longest longitudinal study known about human life. After more than eight decades following different generations, it was determined that quality relationships are the most decisive factor for health and happiness in old age, above even genetics, socioeconomic level, or lifestyle habits.
A review and meta-analysis of longitudinal studies published in BMC Public Health shows that older adults with solid social networks experience slower cognitive decline. In the same sense, a study from the English Longitudinal Study of Ageing concluded that loneliness and lack of social integration are associated with a significant increase in the risk of dementia. One of the findings is surprising: people who maintain close bonds present lower levels of cortisol — the stress hormone — and a more resistant immune system. They stimulate their memory and attention through social interaction, which translates into a kind of daily cognitive gymnastics.
Friends in the later years, a necessity
In conclusion, friendship in the last stage of life is not just something pleasant or anecdotal. It is almost a vital necessity to have a full life and better health, so that the last years continue to be a time of enthusiasm, projects, and shared happiness.
